It seems crazy to panic about this every day, but knowing that other people go through it too helps me feel a little more grounded. I had to come to terms with the fact that yes, like everyone else, I will die someday! Just walk away and don’t look back. I wish there was a clone of you living in my town so we could be bff’s ;). Oh, and #5… screw those people. I didn’t know about #5 at all – that’s awful.
I highly recommend the book “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr. This past year has been the worst for me as I’ve gone to the doctor for every single “symptom” that I found…which lead to unnecessary tests and stronger fears. Btw, your hunch about obsessing everytime you have a niggle is correct.
nobody, not even the most obnoxious person (and there are many in the blogosphere…), deserves the hate that they’ve let fester in their sad little corner of the internet. We’re all just people, trying to make our way in our own little corners of the world. But as I got older and started seeing more and more vicious comments online, I realized that I could never be a writer in today’s world. I found this different life perspective to be so true when traveling outside the U.S. as well. Really; thank you! Over the next 10 days those close to me will witness The Shining level psychosis that comes hand-in-hand with those wonderful things they like to call Follicle Stimulating Hormones (look them up, great lube for a party mood) and my favourite, the thick needle ‘trigger shot’ that is the gift that keeps on giving – pain that is – for sometimes an entire day if you’re lucky. Mine jokingly told me nothing was off the table (re: pancreatic cancer, which my grandmother died of) and then walked out of the room.
And by failure I don’t mean in life in general (though I may have slipped up on my 2015-diet-and-pilates regime, yes) but I am sweating bullets that this one-time-only last cycle won’t work. You’re human and have fears and foibles just like the rest of us.
And the insightful comments from all DS readers! Although I’ve followed Design Sponge for a year or so now, this is the first time I’ve left a comment. I am very, very thankful to just have a job right now, but sometimes worrying about the financial end of things and knowing that other people, who I care about and respect very much, rely on me and this job for their income can feel overwhelming. We have finally reached the top of the waiting list for IVF - a form of assisted conception. And what’s the point of writing a prayer/faith blog if I’m not going to be honest? :). Sadly, that’s not the case, but that’s a reflection of them, not of you. It was by chance that I happened upon your post, and what a lucky chance it was. Somehow, decades have crept by me and I’m not anywhere where I thought I’d be in several aspects of my life and I’m trying to come to a place of acceptance with it. It is filled with obstacles at every turn – and sometimes that is rewarding and sometimes it makes you want to scream. Snakes don't scare me but i've never really given them much though. The next few weeks will go a little something like this: I want to laugh. I’ve come to accept all of the bad stuff we experience in life to help us learn and to make the beautiful things we experience in life, that much more special. As someone a few life steps behind you, it’s reassuring to see how just a few years and a lot of hard work can propel a person (a person put in the small, cute, and at least trying to be stylish box, since we share those attributes) to a place of confidence and happiness. You are such a classy woman Grace! We have your back, Grace. I’ve started letting go of acting the part and it feels amazing. And I think courage always gets rewarded in this universe . I am not a weirdo!” :), Thank you so much for sharing this. I can only imagine how hurtful and effed up it must be to have strangers attacking you so publicly, but I am still deeply offended by it, without any mention of my name. Hi Grace – I haven’t even read the other comments as wanted to just quickly drop a note to you without my thoughts getting blurred – but am sure that I would agree with most! just for some swollen lymph node that i surely thought was my demise. Please remember that anyone’s opinions are only reflections of themselves.
Here’s to bravery and supporting one another, not putting each other down! I am horrified by the fact that there’s a whole group dedicated to hating you and your work. I hope you’re feeling happier and more settled now, too :), Excuse the typo. There are some great workbooks and books out there as well. As for any hypochondria, you might want to check out EFT. And here you are doing it already! That’s a really good idea- thanks for the suggestion. (Granted, not everyone is in the unique position of having such a public presence… But, in the end, we all fear for our jobs, our health, and our relationships.) I’ve always enjoyed knowing the ‘real’ person behind a blog. You already have.
This may be my first time commenting on your blog, Grace, but I’ve been reading for years.
I read somewhere that the Dalai Lama was asked how to best deal with ‘self hatred’. I’ll send you an email w/ all I have to say, but keep present that we all have the birthright to be HAPPY and free of all fear…which I know you are aware of! I feel for you, particularly as it related to GOMI. Good luck, Grace and thank you for all your inspiring work. Grace, I rarely comment, but I have to tell you how much this post resonates with me. I'm blogging about what happens as it happens, as a kind of therapy for me and as an awareness raising exercise of what IVF is all about. Thinking about haters, when I run across one, I remind myself what my dad taught me: “When you get kicked by a jackass, consider the source.” That has served me well many times over the decades! I blame Hollywood movies for always adding a horrible twist after building up a perfect happy life/relationship/scenario! I understand how isolating that feeling of hypochondria is- it’s so difficult to really convey (even to the people you care about) how consuming that anxiety is, and it’s especially difficult when you’re rationally aware that there’s probably no basis for the alarming extent of your fears (i.e. We all get so caught up in the “smoke & mirrors” living that sometimes it feels hard to be real. You haven’t “asked for it.” GOMI is a vile place full of small, insecure people who make themselves feel better by criticizing others. Write for fifteen minutes about something you’re afraid of that you haven’t actually experienced. Which is crazy! Don’t know where to start..and my head is relentless that’s it’s too late, you’re damaged, and old. And while I know just how lucky I am to be here and have the life I do right now, I hope this helps anyone who feels that blogs/bloggers/the design community are a little too shiny and pretty and perfect, realize that we’re all very real people with problems we don’t always talk about online. If you don’t like a blog, why wouldn’t you just stop reading it? As terrifying as it is to put so much of yourself out there, I think people really appreciate getting an insight into who you are and your vulnerabilities.
On a note about not being sure if you are doing what you should be doing in life, the Biz Lady profiles always stir up something in me that awakens that concern.
Take life as it comes and enjoy the ride. I read a really awesome book recently called The Period Repair Manual.
Dangling my feet over the edge of cliff when the rocks on the edge are loose or slippery. These are things we all fear in one way or another. Have you ever watched Brene Brown’s video on “Joy: It’s Terrifying”? There are many layers to the work that you put out there. You have done all this with your life, and they have done…worse than nothing. I read a quote somewhere on the internet (Pinterest, more than likely), and I can’t remember exactly how it went, but it was something like — What makes you think you’re not exactly where you’re supposed to be at this point in time? It is so exciting to see someone who has the courage to integrate their authentic self in their livelihood.
I don’t always comment but I read your blog and I respect you for what you do. Reading this post written with such raw honesty, humility and the flare that is your voice, I was reminded of why I read DesignSponge.
I’m not naive enough to think that being relatively pulled-together and cleaned up isn’t helpful for photo shoots, etc., but after a rough few years between 2011-2013, I finally realized that respect and success have more to do with the things on the inside than the outside. See where the story leads you! I hadn’t heard of GOMI, a website for people to waste their one precious life. and you are a big reason I started my own podcast. and found your love of dogs and rescues [me too!] I’ve talked about why transparency and honesty is a valuable thing and it’s led to some wonderful conversations on and offline that make me think that making it a more regular discussion — and making sure all of our posts are infused with that spirit of openness — is the best way to move forward. I really admire the courage you have to write a post like this. This is an amazing post, kudos to you for being so brave. The good news is, the positive, supportive people outnumber the negative ones significantly. Love your honesty.
PS – I was born and raised in Colombia County so hope you are loving your new upstate life! Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. And we are lucky that you share your creative mind with us … stop reading the nay-sayers, just stop reading them at all. Having to wait for 2-4 minutes before drowning, choking, etc. Yes, totally agree with Arin- I’m a Design Sponge devotee for lots of reasons and the new direction you’re taking on of sharing more personal stuff is just another reason to love this site. I’ve dealt with some shadowy health scares in the past (major issues that land me in the hospital but are never diagnosed as anything that feels “right”) and it’s led me to feel that there’s always something lurking just under the surface that I haven’t found yet — and can’t control. Wasn’t trying to make it happen, the piece I designed isn’t even my passion – it just randomly happened. Also I’ve been a fan of yours for the past 6-7 years and my favorite posts are your honest essays. But I still sometimes fear what others might think of me for it. Keep on keepin’ on, you’re an inspiration to us all – even to those GOMI a-holes :). I gave away or sold any clothes that were too fancy or uncomfortable and I slowly built my everyday uniform of jeans, long sleeve shirts and the occasional loose dress. Hi Grace! I have to swallow the negative because if I don’t I know I will miss out on the people that will embrace us and our contributions to the world. I am being totally sincere that episode created a girl crush because you are so well-spoken, with a giving and accessible personality! I think it’s because I’ve seen so many pass from cancer and other horrible things in my life. Keep up the good work you do. And sometimes we owe you more than a lot of us give you. But, don’t apologize or think that what you do right now is one-dimensional. Everyone has different tastes, everyone likes a good rant now and then. I am participating in a “word of the year” challenge, and nothing is more beautiful than seeing my word come back to me in various ways. (Hmm, sounds like a great practice, doesn’t it?).
Your career is important to you and cool and does not mean that asked for disrespect.